I didn’t grow up like the average person.
This is true for many reasons. The Faith that my family follows. The very diverse group of people I grew up around. The different parts of the world we traveled to when I was a kid. And so much more.
In my early years, I was exposed to many things, people and experiences that were normal to me, but as I got older, I realized just how unusual it was.
I come from a family that has achieved quite a lot in the music industry. I spent many childhood days in the studio watching my father work with everyone from The Miracles, to Lenny Kravitz to Michael Jackson. As an adult, I look back on some of the people I was around and think, “Wow, how cool is that?” But as a kid, they were just people. (Except Michael Jackson, of course. It was definitely a shock meeting him the first time).
At the time that I was around Lenny Kravitz, he was going by the name, Romeo Blue. So I was well into my adulthood and very much a fan of Lenny, by the time I realized that he was the same guy I had a little girl crush on at around the age of 5 or 6. Lol. Being so little at the time, I had no real concept of who these people were. I just remember that I loved being in Dad’s studio behind our house. Soaking up the energy. Listening to the music. Being around very talented creative people. Those are some of my strongest memories from the early days of my life. They made quite an impression on me. And they’re part of me in ways I can’t even begin to explain.
My father isn’t the only one in my family that has created success in the music industry. Both of my brothers are producers with well-known music. My mother is a songwriter and fine artist. My uncle is a well-known entertainment lawyer. Music. Creativity. It’s all in the family. It’s in the blood, I guess.
When you’re surrounded by such experiences. With so many crazy talented people. It’s very easy to set the bar really high for yourself. And that’s exactly what I did. I’ve always loved writing music. I’ve been a singer, songwriter, vocal coach, music teacher, and choir director for many years.
But interestingly, though I’ve done all of those things, when it comes to my personal creations — my music, poetry, writing and other creative endeavors — somehow, I’ve never really put the energy into getting them out there for the public to enjoy.
There’s a whole lot of pieces to that story. A lot of reasons why that hasn’t yet happened. But I think, what it really came down to is hiding. Despite the fact that I’ve spent many years on stages. Being right out in front. Leading groups, programs and putting events together. I’ve been hiding. Standing behind people like my father, who, in my opinion is far more experienced and gifted than I am.
I’ve wanted to put my own music out for years! I’ve also written and shared some of my poetry in online groups and performed at some open mics. I’ve made plans to launch arts-related businesses multiple times. So yeah, I’ve dabbled with a lot of things.
But that’s very different than making a commitment and putting myself out there for real. I didn’t make that commitment, despite my desires, partly because I was afraid to put myself out there. I’ve seen what can happen to people who find themselves in the public eye. We celebrate them and then we tear them down. And I think, I just wasn’t ready to risk putting myself through that. So I hid. I used my talents in less public ways.
Until I took my first ambulance ride to the hospital in 2018 and thought that I might die. That thought changed everything. Suddenly, I was more determined to leave my mark in the world. At the level I had always envisioned. And that determination eclipsed my fears. I decided to stop hiding. To really explore what I’m capable of. To move toward the vision I’ve seen for myself for decades. It was time for me to let the world see me.
That very real decision, I believe, sent me into some unexpected and excruciatingly painful turns. I faced many fears that were holding me back. And, through a lot of suffering, I became much clearer about who I am and what I’m truly about. I spent the last 4 years in a cocoon of sorts. Writing, creating, praying, reflecting and crying — a lot. Those 4 years were the hardest of my life. But they’ve been an incredible gift. An opportunity to come to a place where I feel confident in myself, my beliefs, my abilities and my intuition. For the first time in my life, I feel like the vision I’ve seen for myself is right here in my hands.
My external circumstances don’t reflect that vision at the moment. But that doesn’t change the truth. I’m more ready than I’ve ever been… to be seen.
So here I am, sharing myself with you. My beliefs. My dreams. My vision. My stories. And my creations. Little by little it will all unfold. Because I’m committed. Determined to give life to all the music, poetry, films, experiences and other creative ideas that are flowing through my mind.
It doesn’t really matter to me how many people like what I do. Or how “successful” I become. All that matters is that the work gets completed. That it gets a chance to have a life of its own. I am a creator who has stifled her creations for far too long. I’m done with that.
I’m on an adventure now. To enjoy this 2nd half of my life. To live the dreams that have felt elusive for quite some time. To feel the joy of releasing my own creations to the world. Just knowing that I’ve given myself that gift is more than enough for me.
So…no more hiding. Here I come
